They’re everywhere; not just in the workplace.

Assholes can abound within your home environment (perhaps you’re related to a few or even married one), local supermarket, fancy restaurant, regular fast-food place, local school district or hospital, etc. (Hopefully, there’s only one or two, but sometimes there can be several at practically all the abovementioned places, among many others. Because unfortunately, assholes can multiply like rabbits!).

Are you constantly and consistently talked to (and about) like dirt?

Been subjected to highly suspicious acts of sabotage?

Is this harassment on a regular or daily basis?

Now a person can be a temporary asshole, due to unusual or upsetting circumstances and situations going on in their life (it’s understandable, but it’s not a valid excuse. And if you’re guilty of this, explain briefly and apologize ASAP).

And then…..there’s your 24/7, 100% certified, be-one-till-I-die ASSHOLE!

Asshole Creating (or Encouraging) Factors

Having/Gaining Power-especially if they once had little or no power at all

At the Top and Feeling Threatened by any upcoming “stars” 

Being Rich

Being a Rule Stickler–all the time

Always On the Smartphone, Always Oblivious

A Male with a Female Boss (men tend to be more threatened; studies have shown!)

Being Cynical and Negative as a Way of Life

Many people will often flat-out deny that an asshole does indeed dwell or work among them or hold out false hope that one doesn’t exist: “It’s not that bad.” (Uh-huh.) “Things are going to get much better soon.” (Nope!)

Or, people do know but prefer to make excuses: “I’ll leave for a better situation right after I finish this important project. And I’m learning so much here, making many great connections; the mind-numbing abuse is just a small trade-off. It’s worth it.” 

“I’m tough. I can completely disregard all those so-called abuse aftereffects when I leave work; like a light switch, I can turn it on and off, baby.” “And besides, no one can replace me. I’m the star of this show, the glue that holds everything together.”

“It’s much worse for others here; I have no right to complain. Yes, it’s bad, but it could be even worse someplace else. My fellow sufferers and I will just put up a united front. Power to the people!”

There are a few ways to avoid an asshole, at least for a while:

If at all possible, keep your distance. Now there will be times you may have no choice but to deal with or interact (you’ll just have to grit your teeth, clench your butt cheeks, and do it as quickly and efficiently as possible).

Perhaps you’ll be fortunate enough to be able to continually duck and dodge, or use other people as asshole blockers.

Sometimes after a direct asshole dealing, creating shelter from the storm is necessary and imperative. This can be the snack spot, an outside area, another floor (if applicable), or even a bathroom stall if needed, just wherever you need for a break and recovery.

Some companies, organizations, and other places use an early alert system; “asshole incoming” messages are sent via e-mail, phone texts, or in-person transmissions.

Self-Protection Tactics

First of all, don’t blame yourself; it’s possible to downplay the “asshole effect” with humor (even the most dedicated one has a lot of funny elements), and support groups like DWAA (Dealing with Assholes Anonymous).

You can also take the high road or “kill them with kindness“; remain friendly and civil no matter what. You can also try to understand the asshole, and figure out what makes them “tick,” so to speak (this might or could work; in my humble opinion, taking the high road requires tremendous patience. I’m patient to a certain point. I’ve also tried “understanding” but quickly realized that knowing an asshole’s background doesn’t necessarily mean that the asshole will become a nicer, better person (in some circles, this could be considered a form of ass-kissing or sucking up).

And of course, there’s the classic tactic: Ignore!

Proceed With Extreme Caution

You can directly face off with the asshole, but be very careful; use these methods only if there’s absolutely no other way:

Calm Confrontation-Telling the asshole exactly what they’re doing, how their behavior/actions are affecting you and others, and demanding an immediate stop. Remember, the key factor here is staying calm.

Aggressive Confrontation-Not recommended (this can backfire very badly).

Revenge-Also not recommended (for the same abovementioned reason).

Using the System-Going the legal route (this can drag on for several years).

Sources: My personal recollections and “The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal With People Who Treat You Like Dirt” by Robert I. Sutton (2017).